


Wake

by yusahana6323



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:06:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yusahana6323/pseuds/yusahana6323
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uruha wakes up in the hospital after a car crash and must cope with the outcome, one way or another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake

"Uruha? Uru... Uru, please -"

He whimpered and curled up tighter, arms folded over his head, ignoring the shooting pain in his leg. He couldn't breathe from choking and sobbing, he couldn't look at anyone... he could only see Reita, limp, bloodied, and broken in the passenger's side of the car. He could only see the blonde's unresponsive form being taken out of his arms and away.

"Uruha, please, calm down, Reita will be fine."

"No... no..."

"Uruha!"

"No!" He began pulling at his hair, tearing his face with his nails as he tried to make the images go away. "No, no, Reita...!"

"Uruha, Reita will be okay, please just calm down and stay with me!"

He lost his voice and buried himself deeper, gasping and hiccupping and trembling. The arms wrapped around him gave him a small squeeze.

"Calm down, breathe... it's okay..."

"Reita... Rei..."

_"Kiss me?"_

_His amber eyes turned to Uruha, a small smile curling his mouth. "We're in public, ducky."_

_"It's a stoplight, please. Just one," Uruha said in a pleading voice, trying his best to look innocent._

_"Oh, alright. Just because you're the one driving." Reita leaned over, and Uruha tilted his head, closing his eyes as Reita's lips met his. When they parted, he opened his eyes again, gazing at Reita._

_"Thank you," he said._

_"Just for you, babe. Now." Reita turned Uruha's face back to the front. "Pay attention to the road."_

_"I'd rather pay attention to you."_

_"I know, babe."_

_The light turned green, and Uruha sighed dramatically as he began to pull forward. Reita laughed low in his throat._

_"I'm still waiting for an answer, by the w-"_

Uruha jerked at the screeching and painful brightness, whimpering loudly, and Ruki's voice came to him again.

"Uruha, it's okay."

"Reita..."

"Reita will be okay." Ruki sounded like he didn't believe it himself. "Just calm down, you're hurt too."

"He's not dead..."

"No, he's not, they're taking care of him."

"He can't be... he can't..."

"Bunny chan?"

Uruha shuddered at Aoi's voice. Ruki squeezed him and said, "What, Aoi?"

"Just checking in..."

"We'll be okay. Let us know when you hear anything about Reita."

"Okay. Things will be fine, Uru."

The brunette didn't respond and buried his face in his knees again. There was a pause, and he heard the door close quietly. Then he let out a shaky sob.

"Hey, it's okay. He'll be okay."

Ruki held him and kept telling him that, but Uruha couldn't believe him, not until he saw Reita himself. He began drifting away, trembling in Ruki's arms, trying to think of anything but this. Reita happy, healthy... Reita smiling at him...

_Reita plunged into him, and Uruha moaned loudly, nails digging into the bassist's shoulders._

_"Fuck, Reita...!"_

_The blonde's low laugh in his ear made him shiver, more so when Reita lightly bit the edge of his earlobe and tugged on it._

_"Let me hear that voice," Reita murmured, not slowing his thrusts as Uruha arched and cried out, clawing at his back. "I want to hear you sing."_

_"Reita, fuck me, fuck me...!"_

_"Such a needy boy." His tone was warm, amused. Uruha grabbed a fistful of golden hair and pulled his mouth down, kissing him aggressively._

_"Kiss me and fuck me."_

_The elder returned the affections, pounding harder and faster, and Uruha growled, voice arching into a scream. The sound of the slap of their skin, and feeling Reita's hard cock moving roughly in him, was just as erotic as hearing Reita's heavy breath and dirty nothings he was whispering._

_"Shit...!"_

_"Oh, you like that," Reita said, staring into his eyes as he slowed but moved rougher, and Uruha groaned, ready to come. "Uruha."_

_"God, say my name like that again..."_

_"Uruha."_

_The guitarist whimpered, arching harder, hips tightening and trembling. "Reita..."_

_He took off fucking deep and fast again, and Uruha screamed louder, clutching his friend tightly as he started getting too high._

_"Reita, fuck...!"_

_He came hard, screaming Reita's name again, and he felt Reita's smile against his ear before the heat flooded into him. Uruha moaned sharply again as he felt it, trembling hard, unable to loosen his grip. When Reita finished, he let out a low groan and rested his head on Uruha's shoulder. The guitarist squeezed his arms around Reita's neck, one hand softly stroking through the blonde hair._

_"You're amazing, Reita," Uruha whispered._

_"You are too." He lifted his head and pressed his mouth to Uruha's. "Pretty Uruppi."_

Uruha whimpered, more tears falling, though he didn't have the voice for louder crying. Ruki squeezed him again.

"It's okay, Uruha. It will be okay. They'll take  care of Reita."

"I want him..." Uruha hoarsely whispered. "Reita..."

The door opened, and Uruha looked up. The doctor that walked in smiled at him, but Uruha didn't feel the warmth. Ruki rubbed his back and said, "Hello, doctor."

"Hello. You should be sleeping, Takashima san."

"Rei-... Akira," he corrected himself, remembering that the doctor wasn't in the inner circle where their stage names were used in place of their real ones. "Where's Akira...?"

"We're taking care of him."

"I want to see him."

"You can when he's ready. I'll bring some medicine to help you sleep."

"No -"

"Takashima san, you've sustained a decent concussion. Now, you're not in any danger, but you need plenty of sleep to recover."

"Not until I've seen Akira... he can't still be in the emergency room, can he?"

The doctor paused and looked at him, expression confused and a bit suspicious.

"Excuse him," Ruki said for him. "He and Suzuki kun have been best friends all their lives. They're basically brothers."

"I see. That would be distressing. I promise you, we are taking good care of him. He needs plenty of rest, too."

"Please," Uruha said desperately, ignoring Ruki's sharp gaze. He didn't care what the doctor thought of him. "Just let me see him."

A long pause, and Ruki spoke to him now.

"Uruha, let's not push, let's just let him -"

"If I let you see him, will you go to sleep, Takashima san?"

"Yes, I will, I promise. I just want to know he's alright!"

"Okay," the doctor sighed. "I'll get a wheelchair, and you can come to his room and peek in."

"Thank you." Uruha felt dizzy with relief. "Thank you, thank you."

He held to the arms of the wheelchair as they wheeled him down the halls. His heart was racing. He was scared of what he would see. They took him down several, which seemed more like a hundred, floors, eventually stopping in front of a room with closed-off windows.

"Just a quick look." The doctor went into the room and opened the curtains for him. Uruha looked through the window and saw the doctor ushering the others out of his way. Then he saw Reita's prone form on the bed. He was a mess, smeared in red, not moving at all. Uruha felt his throat close off, and tears came to his eyes.

"Reita," he whimpered.

"He'll be okay," Ruki told him. "They're taking care of him."

Uruha clung to the window as Ruki tried to roll him away. He didn't want to leave. But Ruki pulled him away, saying, "You promised," and wheeled him back to his room. Uruha stared down at his hands, trembling, afraid to move. Back in his room, Ruki basically had to lift him back into bed on his own. The guitarist curled up tightly, only half-fighting when the doctor came to put an IV in his arm. The grogginess that came with the medication didn't relieve him, only made the pain feel that much sharper.

_He lifted his head, wincing as it felt like it was on fire. He couldn't see straight, and his whole body was aching. His temple was throbbing - he gingerly pressed his hand to it and, pulling it away, saw blood on his shaking palm. He looked around, dizzy and disoriented, trying to remember._

_"What happened...? Reita?"_

_No response._

_"Rei...?"_

_Still no response. Uruha sat up straight, groaning in pain, and looked over to the passenger's side, and his voice caught in his throat. Reita was limp, head bowed onto his collarbone. The side of his face close to the window, as much of it as Uruha could see, was crimson, down his neck and in his hair. His white shirt was pied with dark spots... his shoulder and leg looked odd, probably broken. He could faintly see glittering slivers of glass stuck in his friend. Uruha felt sick. He turned his head and vomited, crying bitterly as he did so. Then he looked back and, shaking, touched Reita's arm._

_"Reita...? Wake up... please..."_

_Not a single movement. Uruha nudged him._

_"Reita... don't. It isn't funny." His voice was cracked, and he was beginning to panic. "Reita."_

_The blonde didn't move, didn't utter a sound... it didn't even look like he was breathing. Tears were falling down, and the ringing in Uruha's ears grated on him._

_"Reita, please, don't..." He felt how raw his voice was as he kept shaking the bassist. "Don't, Reita, please, wake up!"_

_He heard the sirens, and the lights were blinding. It made it worse. He was openly bawling now, unable to see anything._

_"Reita, please!"_

He jerked awake, face and pillow wet with tears. The room was pitch black. He sat up, fumbling for something, wiping away tears on his arm. The door opened, light spilling in, and he shaded his eyes.

"Uru? You're awake?"

"Yeah," he said, blinking when Aoi flipped the light on. He looked to his arm and saw the IV had been removed.

"Good. He's asking for you."

"Reita?" He felt faint with relief. "He's awake?"

"Yeah. I'll take you to him." He pulled the wheelchair back to the bed and helped Uruha into it.

"Thanks. I want to see him."

He was impatient as Aoi wheeled him down to Reita's room and to the bedside. He fixed his gaze on the blonde's form, relieved to see the chest moving in shallow breath. He tried hard to ignore all the bandages, the wires, the tubes hooked into his lover. As Aoi parked the chair, Uruha reached up to touch Reita's bandaged, bruised face with trembling fingers.

"Reita?"

He called softly a few times, and then the eyes blinked open, looked around, and landed on him. A tiny smile stretched Reita's mouth.

"Uru..." His voice was weak, hoarse, barely audible.

"Oh, God." Uruha couldn't bite the tears back, and he couldn't stop the smile of relief that crossed his face. "Reita, you're okay!"

The blonde didn't say anything, but he raised his hand and cupped Uruha's cheek. The guitarist held it in place, turning his face into it so he could kiss Reita's palm.

"Reita, you scared me so much..."

"I was worried about you."

"Worried about me? Look at the condition you're in!" Uruha moved down to his wrist, tears soaking Reita's skin. "God, I thought I had lost you."

"Uru, I love you, you know?"

"Of course I do!"

Reita moved his hand, gently brushing the tears away. "My other half."

"You're mine. I can't be without you."

"You should learn to."

"No." Uruha shook his head and pressed his lips into Reita's palm again, comforted by his scent and touch. "I need you. I love you."

"Uru. Please."

"I can't. It's been over twenty years, Reita. I don't know how to live without you at my side."

Slowly, Reita's eyes closed. Uruha reluctantly stopped his affections and simply held his hand now, squeezing it softly.

"Sorry. You must be tired. You can sleep."

"You should go sleep, too. I just wanted to see you."

"I want to stay here with you."

"You can't," came Aoi's voice, and Uruha jumped. He had forgotten all about the other guitarist. "I have to take you back."

"No, I want to stay."

"Go, Uru."

Uruha wanted to protest more, but Reita's tired, smiling face made him relent. He leaned close and said, gazing into the red-rimmed but soft amber eyes, "I love you. I love you so much, Reita."

"I love you too, Uru."

The brunette kissed Reita softly, felt the bassist's strong, rough hand stroke his cheek and through his hair. When he pulled back, he said, "Sweet dreams."

"You too." Reita's smile healed Uruha. He felt at ease. "My Uruha."

Uruha gave him one more lingering, light kiss, and then Aoi pulled him away. He held on to Reita's hand as long as he could, letting it slip away. He felt better as Aoi took him back to his room and helped him into bed, and he said, "Thanks, Aoi."

"No problem." Aoi offered him a comforting smile. "You get some sleep."

"Okay." He settled back into his pillows and closed his eyes. "I'll sleep. And I'll see Reita again."

It was easy to drift off now that he was reassured that Reita would be okay. His dreams were easy and warm, Reita was holding him... certainly sweet dreams. So he felt well-rested when he stirred to consciousness again, though his whole body was still aching. He heard some talking, and he drowsily listened to it.

"- didn't tell him?"

"How could I?"

"What am I about to tell him then?"

"I don't know! Don't get angry at me, you would have done the same!"

"What?" Uruha asked blurrily, still coming out of his dreams. "What is it?"

Silence, and then he blinked and had clear vision. He saw the other three sitting at his bedside, looking distressed.

"What?" he asked again.

They looked at each other and didn't say anything.

"Can I go see Reita again?"

A small pause, and then Kai said, "No, Uruha."

"Why not? I want to see him."

Kai visibly swallowed, his face tensing.

"What?"

"Uruha," Aoi said slowly. Dread began to fill him.

"What is it?"he asked demandingly. "Just tell me!"

"We just..."

"Uruha." Ruki's voice was quiet, and Uruha looked at him. He looked even more shaken than the other two. He licked his lips, then said, "Reita's dead."

He stared. Dead silence. It rang in his ears. He felt like all the air had been slammed out of his body by another car.

"That's not funny, Ruki," Uruha rasped.

"It's not meant to be."

"No, he's not."

"Uruha -"

"He's not. I saw him last night. I talked to him last night. He's fine."

"Uru, babe, you never left the room."

"You fucker!" he screamed at Aoi, who jumped at the sudden elevation in volume. "You took me to see him!"

"I'm sorry, Uruha, I didn't. You've been in here the whole time. You slept all through the night."

"You're lying!"

"I'm sorry."

"He's not dead." Uruha felt tears in his eyes. His fists were clenched in the sheets. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. "He's not!"

"Uruha, I wish it weren't true."

"Fuck you! He's not dead!"

"I know this hurts -"

"You don't know shit!"

Kai was covering his mouth, head turned away. It made Uruha angrier.

"Fuck all of you! He's not dead!"

"He didn't make it to morning." Tears were rolling down Aoi's face, dripping from his chin. "He didn't ever wake up."

"Shut up!" Uruha was furious. Reita wasn't dead. He had been fine. There was no way the crash had been that bad. He struggled to get up, and Aoi was trying to hold him down. He swung at his guitar partner, fighting him off. He would go and see Reita himself. "Shut the fuck up!"

"Uruha, please," Ruki said, his voice funny. "Please don't do this."

"He isn't dead. He isn't!"

He scrambled free of Aoi and almost dashed from the room, but Kai had sprung on him and grabbed him before he could make it out the door. He fought as best he could, his leg shaking from the stabbing pain, about to give out beneath him.

"Stop it! He isn't dead! Reita!"

"Okay, Uru. We'll take you to see him."

Uruha stopped and looked at Ruki, breathing hard. He was seeing double now, and couldn't clearly read the vocalist's expression.

"Yeah?" he asked faintly, trying to sound aggressive.

"Yeah, we'll take you. Let me just go make sure it's okay with the doctor."

"Okay."

"Come sit down," Kai said, pulling him away from the door. "You're not well."

"I'm fine," Uruha snapped, wrestling Kai off and limping to the wheelchair, plopping into it. "Just take me to see him."

"We need to make sure it's okay."

"Take me now!" His head was pounding. Only Reita could comfort him and make it stop. "I want to see him."

The door opened, and Ruki stuck his head in. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but he said in a steady voice, "Let's go."

Aoi pushed his wheelchair again, Kai and Ruki close by. Uruha settled back, supporting his head with one hand. The ringing hurt, his frustration made it worse, but he was forcing himself to relax. He was going to see Reita. It would be okay.

They took him past where they had gone the night before, but Uruha told himself it was because Reita was better and in a new room. They went down in the elevator, down down down, and finally when they left it, it was very cold, dark, and quiet. Uruha's heart began to pound irregularly, making it even harder to breathe.

"Where are we?"

"We're taking you to see Reita." Kai's voice was quavering. "You wanted to."

"Reita isn't... Reita isn't here, he's in a room upstairs."

They didn't say anything and wheeled him into a wide, cold, dimly-lit room. Uruha's television and movie experience let him know exactly what it was, and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. A morgue.

"No. Reita isn't here," Uruha said, his voice getting angry again. "He isn't!"

"Suzuki Akira," Ruki told a doctor standing nearby, and they nodded, walking to a door.

"No! He isn't here..." Uruha began whimpering as they wheeled him closer to the locker. "Reita isn't..."

The doctor opened the door and pulled the table out, and, as they stopped by it, unzipped the body bag. Reita's blank, pale face and soft gold hair seemed to glow in the faint light, which also made the cuts and bruises look much more vivid. Uruha stared, unable to look away, unable to entirely absorb what he was seeing.

"No," he whispered. "No, he's not."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"No..."

"Can we be alone?" he heard Ruki ask.

"Sure. I'll be back soon."

Uruha's vision was trembling with hot tears. Reita, unmoving, those warm eyes closed, the lips he had kissed cold. He heard the door shut, and he bit his lip hard to try to keep himself from sobbing.

"Reita..."

"I'm sorry, Uruha."

"Reita..." He reached out and cupped Reita's cheek, despairing at the stone-cold temperature as burning tears traced down his cheek. "Baby, please... please stop it..."

Aoi, Ruki, and Kai didn't say anything. Uruha stroked Reita's cheek desperately, pushing some hair out of his face.

"Reita, please, you can't... you can't, you said you'd be with me forever." He laughed brokenly, choking on his tears. "You asked me to marry you, baby, you can't do this. You can't do this to me...!"

"Uruha..."

"Twenty years, twenty years, I don't know how to live without you anymore, Reita. You can't... don't... please..." He began sobbing hysterically, hand clenching into a fist on Reita's stiff shoulder. "I can't live without you! I love you! Don't go! I love you, I want to marry you, I'll marry you, so don't go!"

"Uruha, please stop."

"Reita, baby, please..." He buried his face in the bagged chest, trying to find a heartbeat, trying to find some warmth. "Please don't leave me here alone!"

It was silent now, the only sound his crying echoing through the quiet morgue. After a bit, when he was only sniffling, the tears falling otherwise silently, he felt a small hand on his head.

"Uruha, we need to go."

"No. I won't leave him here. I won't."

"You can't stay here."

"The fuck I can!" He cupped Reita's face again, looking for any sign of life, tears still not slowing. "Please, baby, don't do this to me. I want to stay with you." He caressed the cold skin, hands shaking uncontrollably. "Please look at me. Please wake up, please, Reita baby, please!"

No response. No movement. No warmth. Uruha kept calling, until Kai and Aoi wrestled him away. Then he began screaming, fighting to get back to Reita. Doctors came in, trying to calm him down, the other three were trying.

"No! Reita! I won't leave him!"

A sharp sting in his arm, and he felt his limbs growing heavy. He slumped back in his wheelchair, gazing through blurred vision at Reita.

"Please... Reita..."

"Let's get him back to his room."

"Reita..."

_"What?"_

_Reita's fiery eyes were calm. "Didn't you hear me?"_

_"I... don't know. What was it again? I'm not sure I heard right."_

_"I asked if you would marry me."_

_Uruha had lost his voice. On one hand, the thought filled him with exhilaration and joy. Even if it wasn't anything official, nothing recognized, the idea of actually being bound to Reita would be the best thing in the world. On the other hand, the risks..._

_"I know it doesn't mean anything legally here, but it would mean something to me."_

_"Can I..." His voice was hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat. "Can I think about it for a bit?"_

_"Sure." Reita sounded a bit disappointed._

_"It's not that I don't want to," Uruha told him hurriedly. "It's just, I need to think it over."_

_"You sure it's because you don't want to?"_

_"Oh, stop it." Uruha grinned and kissed Reita fiercely, glad to feel the bassist's strong arms wrap around him. "I love you. It's just something I need to think about."_

_"Well, at least you're being smart about it."_

_"You just lost a fuck, buddy."_

_Reita laughed and nuzzled him, and Uruha felt delirious at the touch. He kissed the bassist again, resting his hands on his shoulders._

_"I love you," he said again._

_"I love you too. How long will you be thinking?"_

_"I don't know. A few days, a week maybe?"_

_"Don't keep me waiting too long."_

_"I won't, I promise."_

He woke to a wet face and pillow again. He felt a bit confused, but then he remembered Reita in a body bag, cold and still, and he screamed, covering his head.

"No!"

"Uruha!"

"No, no, no no no no!" His crying was out of control, but he didn't care. It didn't matter. Reita was gone. The man that had quietly been at his side, loving him, protecting him all his life was gone. It didn't matter. Nothing did anymore. Once more, he began tearing at his face and hair, doing anything to injure himself, trying to vent the anger and grief. "Reita! Reita!"

"Get a doctor. Uruha, calm down, please!"

"Reita!"

Strong arms pulled him into a hug, and he was comforted for a few moments before he heard Kai's voice.

"Uruha, shh, it's okay."

"No, no, Reita..." He struggled for a few moments, but couldn't break free of Kai's grasp, so he gave up and began sobbing, digging his nails into his temples. "It's my fault, it's my fault he's gone!"

"Oh no, Uru, it isn't, you haven't done anything wrong."

"I should have been p-paying attention... Reita, I'm sorry...!"

"Make him stop."

"Takashima san,  you need to sleep some more, we'll give you some medicine."

"Reita...!"

When he woke again, he felt too tired to scream or cry. He felt blank, save for the burning grief that stabbed his heart. If he'd had the energy, he would have fought, but he couldn't. He simply lay there, staring off, letting the hot tears fall on their own.

"Uru?"

He ignored Ruki's voice. He had nothing to say.

"Uru, talk to us."

"Uruha."

He still didn't react, just stared into space.

"Uru, please. We need to talk. We understand you're hurting a lot. But we can't help you if you don't talk to us."

Anger pricked him now, and he whispered, "You can't help me."

"We can, if you let us."

"Can you bring him back?"

"Uru, you know we can't do that."

"Then you can't help me."

"We would if we could," Kai's voice said. "Please, you know we would."

"Leave me alone."

"Uru, don't do this, please."

"Go away. You don't know anything."

"Uruha -"

"Is the other driver still alive?" he asked abruptly.

"The one that hit you?"

"Yes. Him."

Quiet. He turned his head and saw them glancing at each other.

"Is he alive?" he snapped.

A sigh, and Aoi said, "Yes, Uru, he is."

Pure rage. How dare he still be alive, and Reita was...! He struggled to get up, his limbs not reacting to his mind's commands.

"Uru!"

"Lie back down."

"The fucker, I'll fucking kill him!"

"Uruha please, don't -"

Aoi was pushing him back down, and Uruha struck at him, trying to break free.

"Let me go, I'll kill the motherfucker!"

"Uruha, stop!"

"He killed Reita!"

He managed to hit Aoi, and, to his shock, Aoi hit him right back, knocking him back onto the bed. Uruha lay limp, eyes wide, for a few minutes before he looked up at the dark guitarist over him.

"Stop it," Aoi said, his voice thick, eyes narrowed. Uruha could see the tears lining his eyes. "Stop it. You're not the only one that fucking misses him!"

"Aoi, don't," Ruki said, but Aoi didn't even acknowledge him.

"Do you miss him?" Uruha whispered, angry. "Do you!?"

Aoi raised his hand sharply, and Uruha cringed, silencing.

"You think you're the only one allowed to be upset he's gone just because you were fucking him? What about the rest of us? You think we haven't been crying? We lost one of our best friends. We lost one of our partners. We lost a member of our family. And we were relieved that at least you were okay, but you're being a fucking asshole about it! You're making it all about you! You think you're the only victim. You're selfish, just like you've always been!"

"I fucking hate you!" Uruha screamed at him, and was rewarded with another slap. He spat at Aoi, shouting again, "I fucking hate you!"

"You shut the fuck up!"

"Aoi!"

"We could have lost both of you! And you know what? Reita would be happy you made it. He would be fucking happy you're alright! So why don't you fucking put some value in yourself and stop acting like there's no point in going on! Think what he would want!"

"Don't you fucking act like you know what he would want! You don't know shit!"

"And like you know because you had his dick up your ass!"

"Aoi! Knock it off!"

"Fuck you!"

Aoi hit him again, and now Kai grabbed him and dragged him back. Uruha slumped back, trying to keep more tears from falling. But the older man kept straining against the drummer, who was doing his best to hold him completely in place. It didn't stop Aoi from shouting at Uruha.

"Yeah, you think because he fucked you a few times you're special. You think because you were his slut you know everything. You think you know what he would have wanted. You're the one that doesn't know shit! Don't try to make what you want and your selfishness into what he wanted!"

"Fuck you, Aoi!"

"You say you love him but like this, you're just showing all you loved was his cock and you don't give a damn about his thoughts and feelings! You fucking cocksucker!"

"Aoi! That's enough!"

At Ruki's shout, there was silence. Everyone was breathing hard, Aoi stiff and ready to spring again as Kai restrained him. Uruha's heart, what was left of it, felt like it was being ripped out of him.

"I hate you," he whispered, feeling his voice crack. "I hate you..."

"Hate me then, if you can't stand hearing the truth, you goddamn slut of a bitch."

"Aoi, stop it, that's enough," Kai told him, his generally gentle voice taking an edge.

"Take him out, Kai."

"Hands off, I can walk by myself," Aoi snapped, shrugging Kai off and glaring at Uruha. "I can function like a normal human being without help."

"Fuck you!" Uruha screamed again, and Aoi flipped him off as response while Kai pushed him out of the room. Ruki closed the door, let out a heavy sigh, and then doubled back to the bed.

"Uru, don't listen to him. He's just upset. We all are."

The guitarist looked away, biting his lip hard to keep from breaking into sobs. He wanted Reita. He wanted Reita's arms around him, he wanted to hear the deep voice murmuring in his ear. He wanted the comfort, the companionship, the love. That was something no one else could give him, no matter how hard they tried.

"Uru, please talk to me."

"I didn't... I didn't even g-get to tell him." Uruha whimpered, breath from crying making him stammer. "He asked-d m-me, and I didn't g-get to tell him-m that the answer was y-y-yes!"

"Oh, Uru..."

"Please, go aw-way."

"Uruha..."

"Please."

"You need some help, let me help you."

"Get the fuck out!"

Ruki was silent for a moment at the sudden change in volume, then he said quietly, "Okay, baby."

"And shut the f-fuck up. I d-don't want to hear it anym-more."

"Get some sleep. We'll be back later."

Uruha didn't say anything in response to that. He didn't want to yell at Ruki again. He heard the tiny vocalist get up and leave, and the door shut, and then he dissolved into tears again. Aoi was very right, but Uruha didn't care. He had just lost his other half. He felt like he had more reason than anyone to be crying. And Reita had died not knowing the answer. He might have died thinking Uruha didn't want to be with him. He began screaming with tears at that thought, hating himself, not calming when the doctors came in and stuck him with more drugs. He didn't care. He hated himself.

When he woke again, it was dark and very quiet. He lay silently for awhile, feeling completely blank. He heard some footsteps coming down the hallway, so he closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the pillows. The door opened, someone came in, wrote something, and left. He waited a few minutes, and when no one else came in, he opened his eyes again.

He lay for awhile, trying to organise his thoughts, trying to figure out how he was going to keep going. He tried so hard, but every time he was faced with the gap where Reita was supposed to be, it reduced him to tears.

"I have to," he told himself. "I have to do it."

But he couldn't. He couldn't face being without his bassist. He didn't know how to function. His life was empty. There was nothing if Reita wasn't there. He lay there for awhile, crying to himself, until he slipped into quiet again. He gave up that idea and tried some other ones. No success. It was all the same. Facing a world without Reita was something he couldn't do.

After awhile, he gave up altogether and lay in silence, dozing off a bit, and when he woke, he knew. Slowly, he pulled the IV out of his arm and got out of bed. He braced himself as he went to the door, limping a bit, and slipped out. No one was in the hallway. No one was in the stairwell. He made his way through the hospital quietly, only hearing the barest of sound of other presences. Landing on the bottom floor, he expected to see someone here - but no one. He slipped into the still-open morgue without seeing a single person.

He remembered where Reita was. He headed to it, pausing by a table. He looked up at the clock, staring straight through it. He tried to search for something to turn him back, just for the other three, but he couldn't find it. He was dead inside. The only thing that brought emotion to him was remembering Reita's touch, his smile, his eyes, his scent. Anything else, and there was nothing.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, some tears falling as his heart twisted. "I made you wait too long."

He looked down at the table now, at the neatly-arranged instruments, and tiredly picked up the scalpel. Making sure he had it in hand, he wandered over to the lockers and found the one holding his lover. It took a bit of effort to open it up, but he managed it, pulling the table out. He reverently unzipped the body bag, pulling it aside to reveal Reita's sleeping face again. He smiled widely, more tears falling, as he traced the blonde's features.

"I'm sorry, Reita baby. You must be scared. You've always been shy, were always hiding behind me... you must be so scared to be alone." He kissed the cold lips softly, feeling some of his tears slip onto Reita. "You must feel so alone... I didn't even get to tell you. I made you wait too long." Uruha ran his fingers through the soft blonde hair, drinking in the sight of his face, which, though cold and still as stone, was still handsome. "I promised I wouldn't, but I did. Don't worry, baby. Don't worry anymore."

He leaned back a bit, took a shaky breath, then rolled up his sleeve. He smiled at Reita again, trying to be brave.

"Don't worry. You won't be alone for much longer."

He took the scalpel and laid its tip just beneath his elbow. He stared at it for a second in fascination, then, without any more hesitation, tipped it, stabbed it in as deep as he could stand, and dragged it lengthwise down his arm. It hurt a bit more than he expected it to, and he bit his lip hard to keep his yelps of pain back. The crimson came out in a rush, dripping in torrents from his arm to the floor. His hand was shaking hard by the time the blade reached his wrist, but despite the pain, he kept going. He yanked it out and threw it away, not hearing it clatter to the floor. His body was already on fire and aching coldly, but he paid it no mind. He leaned over Reita again, resting his forehead against his lover's.

"I'm coming, baby. I'll come and tell you. You won't be alone. I'm coming. I love you, Reita."

Almost as soon as the words had left his mouth, he barely heard shouting, some distant sounds of movement. H didn't pay them any mind. He was still stroking Reita's hair softly, whispering to him as warmth gushed down his arm. He felt dizzy and weak. His whole body hurt. But it didn't matter. His emotions overwhelmed the pain. He kissed Reita again softly before he felt someone grab his arms.

"I'm coming," he whispered against the cold lips, and he was pulled back. His vision was fading, so he could barely see the people above him. His heartbeat was drumming loudly in his ears. He felt very cold, and now he was scared for a second. Even so, he couldn't stop smiling.

"I'm coming..."

It faded to black. He distantly felt something on his body, on his chest, but it was a light touch, almost a caress, screams nothing but faint whispers. And then it was silent, and cold, and he was alone. He shivered a bit, aching, feeling weak and lonely.

And then familiar, strong touch around him, warm lips pressed against his neck... light, a familiar scent. A deep voice murmured in his ear, and Uruha closed his eyes, letting the tears fall past a wide, relieved, and finally happy, smile.


End file.
